I believe the big moment happened..

I really had to quit the OPK experiment, I had to buy a final pack of opks and it would appear that I already had my surge and am now just typically wasting money. Shit. I believe the big moment has already happened, and I am thrust into the 2ww, without really knowing I was in it in the first place. It would appear that indeed the questionable OPK that I posted was indeed my positive one, as since then I have gotten nothing but weaker and weaker lines. ********** I had a rough weekend, Kaycee was fixed and came home on Friday so we have been pampering her and mom was up for the weekend.. Which is always a great help, thank you mom for coming up and saving me from insanity. XOXOXO I found out that another co worker is pregnant, and although I am happy to hear the news, its so bitter sweet because I envy them so much. So much of my innocence has been lost in this raging war of hormones, needles and tests. I often believe that the next set back will throw me over the edge. Other times I find myself reflecting on how much Chris and I have grown over these years, how close and open we have managed to become in this raw struggle. Most days however I wish for time to stop ticking and wonder if I have the energy to take that next breath, amazed at how much this has affected my life, how I avoid the pregnant and new moms like a disease and have perfected the art of tuning out all well intentioned advice from those who managed to conceive within a day of decision. The words that sums our feeling - empty, hopeless, barren.