28

To Quote Lauren Weisberger The Devil Wears Prada Dedicated to my mother - The mom a million girls would die for. Oh god, the day has arrived, July 17, 2006.. Today I turn 28. I can begin to see it, I no longer look like I just graduated highschool, and this past year I was not carded ONCE! Life has begun to unravel. I have replaced my bonne belle chocolate sundae flavoured lip gloss for a matte chanel in sandal. Ugh, I look at my face, time, stress, and the lack of sunscreen have already taken their toll. It has been several years since I had actually been excited to celebrate another year passing, I used to be awoken by my mother who had usually prepared me a wonderful "breakfast brunch" with lobster claws and baked goodies, cheese and fruits, she usually had a fancy balloon and a teddy bear of some sort to greet me at the outdoor table. We would sit and chat, mom would repeat the story of my birth and all the firsts I had growing up, we would have a wonderful dinner at some fancy restaurant followed by a musical show. As I got older I would generally celebrate with a few friends over dinner and cocktails, On my 18 birthday I remember packing up the car at 3am and driving to Montreal for the weekend with my best friend Tanya to celebrate, there are details of that night that are still rather sketchy to the both of us, but what we remember we could pretty much patch work that we were feeling good when we hit the first bar, something about a dance contest we won a bottle of champagne and having to crawl across Crescent street to our hotel at the end of the night. For my 24th birthday I spent it with my fiance, bridesmaids and groomsmen getting sloshed and doing the rehearsal for my wedding which was 3 days later. My 24th birthday was my demise, soon after I began the chin hair pluck and super tight ponytail to lift the features in my sagging face. I think I am having my mid life crisis early. On a trip to the mall this weekend I felt old and discarded, all these women much younger than I pushing strollers and looking fresh and content. Me, haggard and exhausted, 60 lbs heavier than I was 4 years ago from all of the fertility bullshit. The bitterness shows on my aging face I think as I look in the mirror. Not that having a child would have changed the southbound features, but maybe it might have slowed its pace I reason. 28, the number doesn't roll off my tongue as easily as the smaller numbers did. I pick up "In Touch magazine only to read that being pregnant is the new In thing to do [Not that I wasn't warned I mean the cover does say in bold "BumpWatch"], wow and I thought it was still the sex tape that was the hottest thing. I curse the beautiful women in the pages with huge baby bellies wondering if they really want the child, or is this just another TomKat, Brangelina publicity stunt. I flip the next page and there is J-Lo, Jenn Aniston and Nicol Kidman sporting a super small "I ate a big lunch bump" and the tabloids have all deemed them secretly pregnant.. for these women I hope they are, even J-Lo whom I normally detest, I think that she could do with a baby to love more than herself. "Love Brings Happiness- Cancer - Happy Birthday (Who are they kidding) Events planned by friends and family make for an excitement-packed week. When it comes to your romantic future, get ready for a big change in a very positive way. Lucky Day Friday".. hmm whats going on Friday I think.. Thursday is our Anniversary.. then a date catches my eye on the page. "Forecast for July 10 - 16" oh so my lucky day was last Friday and I missed it. What was lucky for me on Friday I wonder? I picked up Mom and went to whole foods for groceries, Nope I am sure I remember paying the $300.00 bill so that wasn't very lucky. Mom and I went to the Keg for dinner I ordered a half lobster and steak dinner only to crack open my lobster and find it raw.. so was my luck that I did not eat the raw shellfish and get violently ill? or that my meal was free (What little I ate of it, since I sent it back to the kitchen and declined a fresh apparently cooked plate) . That was the extent of my lucky Friday. Now that I think about it, it was lucky for me, I did not receive one piece of bad news that day, nothing fell apart and I didn't get smacked with anything more unusual than normal. Oh Lucky Day! Fuck New Years Resoloutions I never make any new Years resoloution, they always seem cliche (unlike making birthday resoloutions) You know, staring into the mirror at the age of 28 hormonal zits still enjoying the spotlight on my super fair skin I decide now is the time I should make changes. Here is my attempt. *Disclaimer* I reserve the right to deny any of these claims, resoloutions or pretent like I never made any of them at any time, even if they are staring me in the face and written in print on paper or by electronic means, overheard, said or spoken about at anytime without just cause or reason. - Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day - Eat organic whenever possible, -stop pumping my body with xenoestrogens, not that I know what xenoestrogens are but "Sky" the hippie that works at my local natural food store was telling me how toxic they are to my fertile soul. - Exercise, *TRY* yet again to lose this fertility treatment weight - Curb my trucker mouth that has perfected itself over the 8 years I have worked with mainly single men... hoping to cause the effect of being slightly more ladylike.