Cycle 51

I had a post written, it was dark and honest, but the truth is, I need to pull out of this, and writing about it over and over isn't going to do that. I had another disapointing cycle. You would think after 50 cycles I would get used to it, but the truth is, it just seems to get harder. A lot harder. I lost my meds. I was slipping away to that super dark quiet place where I only sleep and cry and somehow breathe. I fell to pieces this morning and C just held me like he always does. I had to get back on those meds. I had to rush to the natural foods store to get some more homeopathy for my depression, I was served by a woman about to give birth in the aisle... not exactly what I needed, C took the lead when I couldn't find the words to thank her for practically laying down in the store to pull out the tablets I needed. These ones are not as potent as my former bottle, (which I later discovered I had washed in a pair of work pants.. ruined both the meds and the pants). This bottle states take 2 tabs every hour.. Within 2 hours of taking this the clouds have somewhat lifted and my fog is slightly behind me. Although I still don't have the energy to finish the dusting I was supposed to do, I will head to bed and hopefully wake with a better mind. Off to slog for cycle #51, I also called the clinic today to see if they got C's results for CF carrier and Y deletion. The receptionist did not call back to let me know the results (never a good sign), so tomorrow I will call again and hopefully hear what I need to hear.