The Guilt

The guilt I feel is sometimes overwhelming. I feel as though I have let my small family down, I feel as though I have dissapointed those close to me with not being able to present them a child to adore. I know they don't blame me, its not a question of blame, but I yet I feel this guilt. I keep telling myself, life goes on, if things don't work out then you can travel, which isn't true either, or I could buy my dream home with my dream yard... I guess I just want it all. Its just the realization that I can't.

Summer Season Pass

Well the meeting was uneventful to say the least, but really what was I expecting? to walk away pregnant on the same meeting? After writing through our history the good Doctor (who at least appeared to have some common sense) sent me right down the hall to begin a battery of tests. 1 grumpy lab technitian who had too much coffee - 2 patients 1 uncooperative dehydrated vein, 1 Paramedic ready to take his own blood 2 garden hose size syringes HIV, HEP Tests, - 1 vial Complete Hormone work up - 3 vials Fasting Insulin levels, - 1 vial Day 3 FSH - 1 vial U/S done on full bladder, followed by empty bladd internal u/s (thankfully she took my HSG results from last year or we would be repeating that) Sonohystereogram to be done on Day 7 - 10 next cycle New Semen Analysis to be done when I go for Sono Looks like I am back on Metformin. I am reading "The Infertility Survival Guide" by Judith Danilk Ph.D. I am hoping it helps me cope with this sinking depression I seem to be falling into. Yet again another Coworker has told me she is pregnant. I am happy for her as always, but I am envious as always. It is happening again, I am getting surrounded by the pregnant, total count as of current date of baby belly coworkers 11, 4 of which are within 3 weeks of one another. If this fails I am not sure how long I can stay sane.